I Love Me.

At times I wondered, "Can I get the kiss of life again?". At times I felt like the pain-in-the-ass is still there. At times I was able to convinced myself that I make the choice. Although I can still feel the venom, but at least, it is not bleeding like a fountain anymore.

So does that means it is recuperating? I just hope so. I am hoping a big hope, indeed.

Looking at this life in retrospect, I know very well that 'I've been here, done this'. For more than once. Four times to be exact. Four times with great pains. Four times living in denial. Four times as a slave.

Can those four-times make me stronger to face this life?

Again, the choice is mine. I know I should be able to make the right decisions for my ownself. For my dear future. For the best of me. And for those who loved me.

I consoled myself by reminding me that it is my kismet. Written and fated to be so. Those are the promises I made to Allah SWT in the previous life, long before I was born. Iman and do'a are the best strengths that help me to pull through. Now that I have made that decision, I have to move on with this life.

There is no use for me making such a decision and still letting the soul be carried away with the old flows. I have to get back to the driver seat, now! The decision is so in my autonomous power. And if I were to let the autonomous powers of others to rule my life, I can be nominated as the foolish person of the year.

The catastrophe was now behind me. The worst of the time will remain as my history. The reality awaits and that is what I should focus myself from now on. I had devoted thesoul, heart and the brain for that something enough. Way too much, indeed. Now it is time for me to buckle up and move forward swiftly. InsyaAllah.

There is no turning back once I have made up my mind. The decision will stay right there, forever. InsyaAllah. I won't buy the casuistry. Please let me walk alone. I want to fly free now and I am so getting myself the wings.

I Love Me. So much.